So Frustrated

Grrr, why is eating right so hard? Every time I sit here and try to plan a menu I come up blank. I’m so limited to what “healthy” things I can eat that I don’t know what to include in the menu.

I love salads, I like most veggies. But my problem is I can’t eat them because they don’t like me. Due to way TMI I won’t go into details, but I have been eating these things all along because I know they’re good for me and I do really like them. But over time it has just become worse and worse for me when I eat them, so bad that I can’t even seem to handle the bit of lettuce on a sandwich or burger. Over the past couple of months I have slowly come to the decision that I am just going to have to cut those things from my diet because it’s not worth going through what I do every time I eat them.

I’m really not a picky eater, at least compared to most people. I don’t like seafood and I’m not a beans and lentils kind of person. Other than that I enjoy a variety of things, it’s just of those things the ones that are good for me either I can’t eat or I can’t afford. So I feel at a loss when I do try to plan a menu, I end up with pretty much all the things that I would have if I hadn’t taken the time to plan the menu in the first place.

I’m just getting so bummed that a few months ago I was starting to lose weight and then it completely stopped, but hubby who had put on weight while away for job training is continuing to lose that weight and then some. If he wasn’t losing I would be fine, but now that he is I don’t want to be the only fat one :(.

I don’t know why, but I just have this feeling that losing weight will come more easily to me once my kids are older. So I’m trying not to stress too much over my weight and just enjoy the time I have with my kids, they are already acting like teenagers and before I know it they will be busying themselves with their own thing and I will have more than enough time to focus on myself. I just need to find some middle ground in the mean time.

Ahhhhh…yes, that’s a scream!

I need to seriously get my shit together here! I feel out of control this week! I’m totally feeling PMS right now which I’m sure is why, but holy hell, enough already! I have been eating twice as much as usual the past few days and crappy stuff too! I last until after lunch doing really well, then after that it’s like a switch goes off and I can’t control myself :(. I hate fricken PMS! I’m done having kids I wish it would all just disappear now LOL, I don’t need it anymore! haha

My husband is losing weight so nicely and for a switch he’s the one eating less. I’m so proud of him, but it is actually making me feel even worse!! I put on his plate enough for dinner that I usually give me, and I had the plateful that he usually has.

For me PMS can last as little as a day or two or as long as a few weeks, my hormones are so out of whack and I’m so irregular that I don’t know what I will get from one month to the next :(. It SUCKS I tell ya…SUCKS!! My whole body hurts, I’m sad for no reason, and I’m constantly hungry!

Where’s the shut-off switch? I really need it!

Yay, or maybe not..

I saw my lowest weight in a while the other day…yayyy. But it was after not eating for almost 2 days…not yayyy. And it was only half a pound less than the day before I didn’t eat….not yayy. And then the next day it was up and even higher…not yayy.

I didn’t intend to  not eat for almost 2 days. I had a horrible sleep Saturday night, hubby snoring loudly, entire body aching badly, feeling like a cold was coming, and bad tummy ache. So I came downstairs at like 3:30(after going to bed at about 1). I ended up sleeping off and on throughout the day Sunday and just simply had no desire to eat. I had a cup of Peppermint tea to try and calm my tummy and a small glass of juice later to try and get some Vitamin C in case I was getting a cold. Then Monday from the time I got up I was busy with school stuff with the boys and after that I was too tired to even think about making anything. So I didn’t eat until Alex got up and he went out and picked up something for supper.

Right now I’m at this spot where my freezers and pantry are pretty full but at the same time it seems like there’s nothing eat. I hate that. But I’m going to try to use up as much as I can and then try to focus on better foods when I fill it all back up…not that what’s there is really bad, but I suppose it could be better.

Oh, another yayy, I went for a walk 2 days in a row! I even took pics, see my other blog for them. But we’ve been home for a few hours and I’m still exhausted and now my tailbone is hurting me too :(…..more not yayy because that means painkillers…which not only do I hate taking all the time, but I’m almost out and usually get them at Costco but I have not renewed my Costco card yet because I’m cheap and didn’t want to pay the 60 bucks right now.

Oh, another yayy….this one for my hubby! He put on weight while he was away doing job training for 5 weeks…well lately he’s been working a ton(12 to 14 hour shifts), he is on his feet the whole shift, and he has dropped the weight he gained and keeps dropping! Which is totally awesome! Although he doesn’t take a break or eat his entire shift, just drinks a ton of water. Which the water is good, not eating and no break is not so good. But now I really better start losing weight! Can’t have him slim down a bit without me!!

My Head Needs Fixin’!

Huh you say?

Well, I am a stressed out worrywart of a mess. I know that as long as I am that way I will not lose weight. So I came to the conclusion that before I can fix what is wrong with my body I first need to work on what is wrong with my noggin!

I’m sure a little shrink visit can do everyone some good, but affording those visits is another thing! So I have signed out some Self-hypnosis CD’s from the library to give a try! One is for freedom from worry and one is for weight loss. I’ve been listening to the worry one every night when I go to bed for a week now. The weight loss one I have been listening to during the day when I try to have a nap, only done it for a couple of days so far.

Listening to one as I go to sleep at night has been great! I am a horrible sleeper. I’m a light sleeper so everything it seems wakes me up, if I have my window open a car driving into the alley will wake me up. I also have a problem with trying to get my mind to shut off and allow me to sleep, most nights I just can’t turn it off(part of my worrywart issues). And if either of those things aren’t keeping me up it’s body aches and pains. I’ve had a bad back for as long as I can remember and it often keeps me restless at night, and in the past few years I’ve had a real problem with aching legs and that will often keep me up too. The aching legs I’m sure has to do with my weight, my back might be worsened by my weight but it’s been a problem since I was a kid(and remember, I was skinny until I had kids!) so it’s not entirely from my weight.

On an average night I will be in bed for 7 to 9 hours, but I will wake up at least 5 or 6 times during the night. On a great night I will only wake up a couple of times. And on an especially bad night I will wake up 3 or 4 times an hour. Most of my nights lately have been of the especially bad variety, some to the extreme of waking up every 10 minutes the whole night.

The first night I listened to the CD at bedtime I only woke up once!! I had the deepest, heaviest sleep I have had in a very long time and it was amazing! The last couple of nights have not been so good, but I did fall asleep easily and peacefully. The reason I didn’t stay asleep was my back, it’s been extra painful the last couple of days to the point of spending the day buzzed on Robaxicet(which I only take when it’s unbearably bad because it makes me fuzzy and sleepy all day). Given the state of my back I wouldn’t expect anything but being in a coma to keep me sleeping.

So, so far early in I am very pleased with the CD’s, especially the worry one since it’s the one I have used the most. I’m not sure if it’s the reason or not, but since I started listening to that CD every night I have not had a single one of my IBS stomach aches! That is a week without one! That has never happened! I’m lucky if I get a day without one!

So here’s to hoping I can fix my head a bit and that it will help take me on a more successful road to fixing my body! But in the meantime I have actually been very much ok with myself lately so I am very happy about that and hope that bit of confidence will stick around a while :).

Still Stalled

No action here still. My weight is completely stalled, doing its normal up and down within the same 3 or 4 pounds that it usually does, and that’s about it. Things with the kids haven’t really improved, today was ok and we had some more talks with them trying to get them to realize that not only are they stressing mommy out and making daddy angry, but they are wasting what little time we have left before there’s snow on the ground. They have not been allowed on their bikes for like a month now, and at the rate they are going winter will be here and they won’t get to ride them until next summer. Which for my youngest really sucks because he just finally got the courage to ride his bike in June(he never got to ride little bikes, so the big bike was a little overwhelming for a first bike). We usually have snow before Halloween, sometimes sooner than that. Last year the snow was a little later, but I don’t count on that happening 2 years in a row. So, time is running out for them, right along with mommy’s patience! LOL

Once again though, I remain happy that at least my weight isn’t going up! Yay, have to be positive about whatever I can LOL.

Slacker!

Yep, as always.

So, ask me how long my food tracking lasted? Go ahead, ask!

Well, it lasted a whole week LOL. But that’s ok, I did learn something from that week, well actually more confirmed something. I may not be the “healthiest” of eaters, but I have been pretty sure that I wasn’t an overeater. And tracking my food for a week confirmed that. If anything I eat fewer calories than I should. I definitely have my days when I do eat more than I should, as does everyone. But more often than not, not eating enough is my problem. In that week even on days where I ate some junky things my calories barely went over 1100.

My slight weight loss that I was noticing has sort of stalled out. Which also confirms something for me LOL. I simply do not lose weight when I am stressed. I finally got over the stress of Alex not working, he’s been working for almost 3 months now. I was starting to feel my body getting back to normal, well my normal anyway. But the past couple of weeks my kids have been seriously kids from hell!! I’m so stressed over dealing with them and now I have all the issues back again including a complete stall in my weight going anywhere.

I had a complete flip out on my kids yesterday, whether or not that makes a difference I don’t know. But I hope it will, because when I’m stressed or depressed all I want to do is sit at my favorite spot on the couch with my laptop and waste the day away. I’m left with the absolute need for a break, but too blah and tired to even attempt to go do anything.

So, I guess in a nutshell I have done absolutely nothing since I last posted LOL. But I remain in the mindset that if I have not gained anything I’m happy! It means that at least I’m not adding to the number I have to lose!

Damn it!

This trying to think about planning menus is not going so well for me. Why? Because it’s making me think about food constantly which is making me hungry all the time now! And when I’m hungry I can’t concentrate on planning menus or grocery lists properly!

 

*sigh*